When is it time to retire "The Classics"?

I watched Beowulf recently and it got me thinking about a topic that I (and no doubt most teenagers in high school English classes across the country) often ponder: When is the school system going to update the required reading list?

Now, I'm in my mid-30s and haven't had to buy a book of CliffsNotes in quite a while, but I can't imagine the book selection has changed all that much since my younger, pimplier days. The one thing I remember about Beowulf the poem was that it was very old and very boring. In fact, to get anyone interested in the movie Robert Zemeckis had to make it in the cutting edge CGI format of performance capture, market it as, "this is not your high school Beowulf," fill it with swordfights and buckets of blood, and parade Angelina Jolie around in the birthday suit. This is what it takes to get the kids interested, and I imagine they care less about appreciating English lit than they do with appreciating Angie's backside.

The lament about ADD-addled American youth and the brain-rot of TV and video games is common, and to me, not entirely fair. How do you expect teenagers to get interested in reading books when all we do is shove their noses into completely unrelatable stories written in ancient dialects that they need notes from Cliff to even decipher?

Is a walking ball of hormones going to relate in any way to The Scarlet Letter? No, he just won't get what's so wrong about a woman with a crappy husband giving it up to someone better. Good for her for getting some. And since it's such a hard damn book to read, chances are his copy will collect dust, he'll rent the Demi Moore movie the night before the test, giggle at some boobie shots and get a C-.

I'm not saying that the classics don't have merit, and that some of them aren't fine books. I particularly enjoyed Animal Farm, Brave New World, The Great Gatsby, and A Tale of Two Cities. I'm just saying that there's room in the curriculum for something a little more modern. Just because a book isn't old doesn't mean it has no educational merit.

So, to any teachers who might be reading this, see if you can slip these titles past the board of education. They'll not only entertain the kids and keep 'em engaged, but teach 'em a life lesson or two in the process.

The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris:
Sure, it's got gore and that showy cannibal, but at its core it's a fine story about an insecure woman finding her strength and identity in a very scary world.

The Stand by Stephen King:
A true classic about the age old struggle between good and evil. It's a big book with big themes about faith and religion, not to mention topical in dealing with modern day fears of biological terrorism.

The Accidental Tourist by Anne Tyler:
A story about a shy man crippled by the loss of his child who learns to leave his comfort zone and take a chance on love with a most unlikely woman.

Atonement by Ian McEwan:
You want to teach the kids that it's bad to gossip and lie? This story about how a little girl's lies rob her sister of any chance at a happy life would get the point across pretty vividly.

The Godfather by Mario Puzo:
We've all seen the movie, sure, but the book was a classic before Francis Ford Coppola came along. It's the story about both the power of family and how blind allegiance to it can be just as damaging as it is rewarding.

If we only loosened up a bit, I'd bet we could get plenty of kids to put down the PlayStation and pick up some more books. Has Harry Potter taught us nothing?

Pictures From The Signing

Here's some pictures from the Dawn's End launch party at Austin Books & Comics! So, the book tour of a literary star it wasn't, but for a first time out I was thrilled. I just need to wait for that call from the Big Leagues so I can write full time, quit the day job, and embark on the fabulous life of a published author.

The calm before the storm.

You sure you want me to sign this thing?

Thanks for reading!

The happy crowd. (Pay no attention to that construction tarp!)

Another satisfied customer. (Hopefully.)

The Post-Signing Calm

My first book signing is now in the history books. It went very well and I was quite pleased with the turnout. I sold 30+ copies of Dawn's End and perfected not only my autograph (which started out fairly subdued and graduated to more grand swirlies as the night went on), but my "To Reader," banter. I feared that it would have too much of a high school yearbook feel ("Have a nice summer!"). Hopefully there weren't too many generic comments handed out (I honestly can't remember at this point), and if there was, I apologize. I'll do better by Book 2.

Again, I really wish I had the luxury of a publicist. My calves and arms are sore from all of the heavy lifting I did picking up book boxes, drink cases from Costco, and the like. It doesn't help that it's June in Texas. For those of you who are unfamiliar, that means upper 90 degrees. Basically the temperature of hell. No one's impressed with a sweaty author I'm sure, but I think I dried off before the guests arrived. (The pictures will tell I suppose. I'll post some soon.)

The guys at Austin Books & Comics were incredibly helpful, especially Trevor. They were very accommodating in helping us set up and get ready. Then they just let us do our thing. Of course, some of my book money went right into their cash register afterwards. It was new comic day after all.

To all who came out, thank you so much for the support and for buying the book. I hope you all enjoy it.

Now, I enter the next phase of the plan: Marketing to people I don't know, and begging publications to review it. But more on that later...

How To Prep For A Book Signing

My first signing event as a published author is tomorrow at Austin Books & Comics. It will be one of my proudest moments. It really is amazing how much little stuff you have to do in preparation. Oh, to be famous and have a cheery blond publicist who would do all this stuff for me. I'm by nature a rather introverted guy, so marketing myself is not easy. To wit:

• Order prints of my various marketing materials on the rather non user-friendly FedEx Kinko's website.
  
• Take a trip to the store and pick them up from a cashier who I swear was a sex-change candidate in training. If that was a woman, well, then I'm one, too.
  
• Journey to my favorite comic shop and ask the surly but accommodating owner if I could take over his store for a couple hours to hock my book. He agreed. I rejoiced. (I tease about Brad. He truly is an awesome dude.)
  
• Receive my first batch of 60 copies of Dawn's End from my publisher. Prior to pulling those beautiful bound copies out of the box, I had never seen my book in any form other than a Microsoft Word document. It was glorious.
  
• Sit down and thumb through the copy I plan to keep. Get embarrassed when the wife asks why I'm reading my own book.
  
• Hammer out the details with surly comic book guy. Food and drinks are cool, but nothing sloppy that'll get on the comics. (I totally understand. A grease stain on a comic is cause for a beating.) No beer. (Damn you, sneaky minors).
  
• Post my event sign and set out some promotional bookmarks in the comic shop.
  
• Send out an Evite for the event to every person I know. Marvel at how many friends I have in Austin after living here only 10 years. You truly don't know how blessed you are until you see all the encouraging "Accepts" come back at you.
  
• Wait impatiently for two weeks for the event to draw near.
  
• Travel to Costco on Saturday, always a trip to the 10th circle of hell under normal circumstances, and buy food and drink. Play with my son, Logan, while I push him around in the cart. Get yelled at by the cashier for putting heavy Coke cans on the register belt instead of "Leaving Heavy Items on Cart." Comment to my wife how bitchy cashier was.
  
• Unbox all my books two nights before the event to make sure they were all in good condition. Dust them because things get grungy in transit. (Yes, I lovingly dusted 60 copies of Dawn's End.)
  
• Slog through one last day at work before taking the rest of the week off.
  
• Write a blog about preparing for my signing.
  
• Drink a beer and relax.